Rehabilitation and Life...

[Gigi Gartenberg]

I have gone threw a lot as of late. Horse running away. The robbery by the man in black. The fainting spell & the train incident. Mr. Luik disappearing all the time. And being confined in a wheel chair.

I'm sure not only due to a gun being pulled on me, but near exhaustion and a too tight corset caused me to faint. I thought by going westward I was getting away from my problems including the ones back east. But I notice things follow me. Almost like an inescapable force.

I find Mr. Luik is sweet on me. Though I am finding it a little uncomfortable. I am an empty cold woman and I just can't get close to men anymore after everything that has happened. Anyway it's hard to express in words how I feel about everything.

I'm scared to say I'm finding a bit of normality in my life here in Arizona. Things here so slow in comparison to New England. I have been watching others around me here. It seems like a close nit community. I think i may settle here but who knows. I am the kind of girl who takes things as they come. I have to. If not I would have been dead by now.

I have made myself some what of a hermit too. I have been working on my own rehab. Mind over matter you know? It got quite painful trying to stand as of late. I am sad to admit I broke down and purchased some Laudanum to kill my pain and kill how I have been feeling. I just used it in moderation a few times.

I purchased some crutches from a traveling sales man and walked a bit taking lots of breaks of coarse. I feel like I'm missing out on so much being the way I am. I only feel like 1/2 a woman.

I'm so tired and there is so much to say. I'll have to finish this at a later time. I am about to take some more Laudanum then get some rest. I went into town and back so I'm pretty tired.